The TTS: Female Edition

The female Typical Truman Student (TTS) is native to the St. Louis area, but has migrated to Kirksville, Missouri, a town in northern Missouri with a population of about 17,000. To any other member of the U.S. student population, this town would be considered a proverbial "black hole" and not worth spending 4 years of their lives at no matter how good the school is. But, to the female TTS, this town is a perfect environment for her strict schedule of staying in on the weekends to study, watching movies in her dorm room alone, making constant trips to the library, and just generally never straying from campus.

When observing the female TTS, the first characteristic you will notices is her distinguishing appearance. Her look may vary from hipster to premeditated frumpy: from girl obsessed with horses to girl who only wears sweatpants and headbands. But despite the variety of dress (kind of), the female TTS is more often than not, just the same girl, but with darker or lighter hair.

As is tradition, the female TTS is extremely homely and tends to have mild acne, wear glasses, and refrain from washing or brushing her hair unless it's presentation day. On campus it is very rare to spot a female TTS over a "4," which incidentally, is the arithmetic mean. However, as is the case in most things, there are occasional exceptions, to which the Law of Truman Females can be applied: "Any female attending Truman who is above a 6 is either a) the already taken, smart, semi-cute girl who had many hot friends in high school, or b) transferring next semester. Statistically speaking, -- given that the student population of Truman is composed of 60% females and 30% homosexual males -- approximately 75% of the people the elusive 10% of straight Truman males will encounter on any given day walking to class, he would "pass on, fo sho," which bolsters the age old adage of Truman "The odds are good, but the goods are odd," to which, as a disinterested observer, I would like to add "...very, very odd"

In her spare time, the female TTS enjoys studying, attending her service sorority functions, reading, and talking about her service sorority/classes/grades/possible graduate schools/how she got a B on her last chem quiz, which is totes gonna hurt her gpa and chances of getting into her first choice grad school/knitting. The female TTS is fraught with insecurities, which stem from her not being accepted to the top 10 school she so desperately wanted to get into, but whatever. She gets pleasure from emailing professors to inquire further about already posted grades.